Dr. Matt Kawiak
D. Min., LCSW, CASAC, CEAP
Phone: 585.586.8650

“I’m so busy!” How many times a day do you hear (or say) that? Our lives are hectic, in part because of the 24/7 culture we live in. But some of the stress comes from our own choices. We say “yes” too often. We overload our schedules. We long for a simpler life, but we’re not sure how to get there. Here are five  simple steps to finding the simplicity you long for.

1. Get Real About the Pace of Your Life

How many commitments do you have each week? How many hours are devoted to work? Volunteering? How many hours do you spend in the car? Write out your weekly schedule, along with the schedule of your family members. Is there any downtime? Write it out.

Now consider your motives for being busy. Our culture often equates busyness with significance, and rest with laziness. While it is important to fully engage with our work or our families, we also need time to disengage, to rest. Many of us are not only sleep deprived, we’re rest deprived. We don’t have enough time to relax, to connect with our loved ones, or to nurture ourselves. What motivates you to be as busy as you are?

2. Value Relationships Over Productivity

Our hurried lifestyle isolates us. How many times have you promised to connect with a friend, but you just don’t have time? If you’re a parent, do you have any time in your week where you can just enjoy your children?

If we make time for rest in our lives, it enables us to reconnect with those we love. Your to-do list can wait, but relationships suffer if they are neglected. A simplicity life includes taking one day out of your week to put aside your tasks and focus on spiritual and relational growth. Take a Respite day. Spend time with people you care about and reconnect with your faith, friends, and family.

3. Revise

So often, we get stuck in a rut. Write down all your commitments. Then figure out which ones you need to drop.Create some space in your life—some unscheduled time. Take a respite day, even if your family does not. Make your home, and your demeanor, calm and inviting, even if you can only do that one day a week. Give yourself one night a week where you get a full night’s sleep. You’ll be surprised how resting one day a week will affect the rest of your week—you’ll not only be more peaceful, you’re likely to be more productive. Revise your life to make room for rest.

4. Take Time to Play

What gives you joy? We are often so task-focused that we lose our joy. Play is restful, and rest is playful. It rejuvenates us. Often, play engages us with others. Play can be creative—a hobby you enjoy. It can be silly—laughter has been clinically proven to help heal our bodies. Our family will often play board games—build this habit when your children are young.
Bookmark Dr. Matt’s Photo Gallery and relax for a minute to enjoy the beauty of a sunrise:
http://www.drmatt.org/gallery/main.php

Rather than signing your child up for another sport that you have to pay for and drive them to, simply do something each week together as a family—go for a bike ride or a walk. Visit a museum or a petting zoo. Take a hike through a nature preserve or botanical garden.
Be active together, instead of just enrolling in separate activities that scatter you.

5. Make Your Spiritual Life a Priority

Take time each day to pray or meditate, to read Scripture, poetry, or an inspiring book—even if it is only for a few minutes. Ask God for wisdom and strength, and trust that you will receive it.
Bookmark “Today’s Sonshine” and enjoy the beauty of knowing you are loved by your God:
www.fathermatt.blogspot.com

Prayer is not just talking to God, but also listening. As you go through your day, be attentive to the voice of God. Slow down enough to notice the sacred in ordinary moments. Notice opportunities to act in a loving way, and then, do it!

Here is a sure way to a deeper spiritual life: notice someone who is in need, and show that person kindness. Whether you bring a meal to an ailing neighbor, listen to a troubled friend, or smile at a stranger, showing love is a form of prayer.

There is no denying that we are going through a very serious economic turmoil, the likes of which we have never seen in our lifetime.  The world and our society are experiencing significant changes that will certainly reshape many industries and this will undeniably trickle down and affect us in our daily life.  So I think it would be logical and smart to discuss how we can all cope with this crisis.  Here are some tips that can help you weather the financial storm:

1- Stay under control
Now is no time to panic.  Certainly, these are serious conditions, but freaking out and running around like a chicken without its head will do absolutely no good.  When faced with adversity, you must remain in complete control.  This is why it is crucial to remain calm.  Only under such circumstances can you make sound decisions and rationalize what is happening with logic.  Keep in mind that this crisis is affecting all of us.  We are all in the same boat, so there is no need to let things get out of hands.  We do not have much control over what happens in these financial markets, but we do have full control over ourselves, so this is what we should focus on controlling.  Great leadership is conveyed through calm and peace during difficult times, and what we need right now from everyone around us is good leadership.

2- Keep informed
It is extremely important to remain in the loop to know what is actually happening in these troubled markets.  If there was ever one topic that people definitely need to pay attention to, it is this one.  The more knowledgeable you are about this, the better decisions you can make.  I highly recommend that you get your news and information from various sources, as well as discussing it with your friends.  We need to share perspectives and opinions so that we can carve out the best possible plan for ourselves.  Also, try not to saturate yourself with too much news from the media.  It can be very easy to get discouraged when exposed to so much negativity.  While it is very important to stay informed, you do not want to overdo it to the point where you think this is the end of the world and can’t sleep at night anymore.

3- Reassess your financial situation
With the information that you have gathered, you need to start asking yourself some important questions.  Is my job or business affected by this?  For example, the auto industry is in shambles.  Do you or your company have links to this industry?  What about your investments?  Do you have alot invested in companies that are on the brink of a financial collapse?  This is why you need to stay informed, so that you can perhaps rearrange your investments into a more appropriate solution.  For example, gold is currently a skyrocketing investment.  Can you afford your mortgage even if the interest rates go up?  All these pertinent questions will raise your level of awareness and have you start thinking about serious & logical answers.

4- Have a back up plan
I am the type of person that always has a plan B, C, or D.  This has helped me achieve a great amount of success in my life.  The worst thing that can happen is to be slapped with a surprise event that forces us to change our path, but not knowing which path to now take.  This is why you absolutely need a back up plan.  What will you do if you lose your job?  You need an answer to this in case it happens.  What happens if your mortgage payments inflate significantly?  How do you react if the value of your investment portfolio is dwindling down at an alarming rate?  Having such a plan in place will not only save yourself many sleepless nights, but it can help save you some valuable time, energy, and probably money, simply by having had a rapid, yet smart answer to help you guide you into a new direction.

5- Change your spending habits
When there comes a time of recession or depression, you need to become extremely careful with money.  Spending on unnecessary items & keeping expensive habits will only put you in the hole deeper if you end up losing your job or your interest rates go up.  You have to be smart about how to go about this.  Being preemptive in case things get worse can make a huge difference in your life.  Instead of taking an extravagant vacation, perhaps a more economical one is the best way to go at this time.  Maybe go a little easier with the Christmas gifts this year.  Even if the oil prices are currently dropping, perhaps you can keep your driving habits that you changed to save you money when the prices were through the roof.  Anything that can help keep more money in your pocket is a good thing during these challenging times.  Now is not the time to rack up more debts, so living within your means is key to getting yourself through this crisis.

While it is a serious situation, it is not necessary to let this crisis take over your entire life.  Keep a positive attitude about this, continue to enjoy your life, and make plans for your future.  We will certainly get through this.  We will ride this wave and there will be much easier days ahead.  Just be ready.  Prepare yourself just in case.  It’s like wearing a seatbelt in your car.  You do not want nor expect to be in an accident, but just in case you are, at least you are protected.  Have this same attitude with your finances.  Put your financial seatbelt on, because the ride may indeed be quite rocky!

Call Dr. Matt at 586-8650 and let’s work together to help you cope during these difficult economic times.  Remember, you can use your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) benefit that provides free, confidential counseling for you and all members of your family. When you call your employer EAP toll free number, request the staff to authorize visits with Dr. Matt Kawiak to  be you EAP provider. Take good care of yourself.

1. Breathe. Stay Calm.

The worst decisions are made under pressure, stress, or in a state of fear. Don’t allow yourself to be rash or irrational; keep your wits about you and commit to making it through this in one piece. Get a sense for what this layoff really means to you and what the real repercussions will be.

Assess your safety nets: What are your back-up plans? (All the way down to spending time with the folks in your worst case financial scenario.) Hopefully you’ve done enough to guard against that, and if so, take some solace in the fact that you’re prepared to weather a little uncertainty.

2. Look at This As an Opportunity.

 You know what they always say, "It’s not what happens to you, but what you do about it." That might not be what you want to hear right now, but think about it: This sudden change could have a silver lining — so commit yourself to finding it. Take some time for yourself, even just a few quiet hours alone and reflect on all the things you truly liked and disliked about your job.

What would you have done differently? Were you there because you had to be, or because you wanted to be? Ask yourself how you can now take the next step learning from your past experience. Is there a chance to take a step up? Or to change industries or careers entirely if you weren’t as happy as you wanted to be? So many times, abrupt changes like this are exactly what people need to get out of a rut and move on to something they’d really love to be doing.

3. Audit Your Online Identity.

 Start paying close attention to your reputation management, to the platform that you’ve built for yourself online (if any) and to what new people will perceive about you when they google you. If you don’t like what you see online, or want to take control of that first impression you’re giving off, build a professional identity you can be proud of with a PROJO - your professional mojo.

It’s a next-generation resume/portfolio that you can share with contacts, add to/promote in your signature line, build out and keep up to date with your latest accomplishments to ensure that when someone searches for you, they find the "goods" on you, but the good!

4. Stay Connected to Your Network.

 You probably have a lot more friends, colleagues and supporters than you realize. Survey your address books, PDA, business card files and social networks to see who’s really in your inner circle and wider network and who might be able to help lead you to some new prospective opportunities. Talk to friends and family and see who they know.

Then start reaching out to catch up with everyone you can. Befriend old friends online, shoot out a bunch of emails, even invite a few for coffee or drinks. Start talking to everyone you can! Ask your contacts who else you should be talking to, then reach out to them. Update your online profiles with the latest news and let people know that you’re actively exploring your options. This is not the time to hide out and wallow. Just make sure you force yourself to smile and at least appear to have a positive outlook for the future! Repeat the mantra to yourself: "onward and upward!"…until you believe it.

5. Assess Your Financial Situation.

 The first serious thing you need to do once you have the ability to think calmly and rationally (see #1) is to figure out the true state of your financial affairs. If you can, sit down with a financial consultant who will know how to ask you the right questions to get a proper assessment. Take a very careful look at any severance (if you’re lucky), benefits packages (like insurance policies, 401ks, etc.) that you may be able to "roll over" from your old company’s plan. (Take care of this right away too!)

6. Ride the Coat Tails of Senior Execs.

 If you’ve done a good job of befriending and staying tight with your bosses and other senior management, it might just pay off in real dividends now. Keep in close contact with them!!!

The more connected they are, the faster they will probably find their next great opportunities and look to set themselves up for success in their new spot. When that happens, seasoned execs take quick steps to surround themselves with people they know and trust. They build teams from people they know — and that could include you! Make it known that you’re up for the new adventure if you are.

7. Use Your Leverage.

 What can you do to leverage the experience you’ve had so far and the skills you’ve been building? What do you know that others want to? (Besides proprietary trade secrets!) How can you use what you’ve learned to your benefit and to others?

You don’t have to play hardball or let your ego run wild to put your experience and expertise to work for you in a positive and proactive way. A great way to do this, and make some quick money, is to do some consulting work. Taking a few projects on will keep you in the game and buy you time to figure out your next move. Who knows, you might actually like it so much you decide to make it your new business!

8. Open Yourself Up to New Opportunities.

 Employment prospects or ideas you hear about from friends and relatives might not sound quite right at first, but give them a chance to explain — and yourself a chance to explore a bit. Don’t limit your attention to a very narrow set of options right after a layoff. Try to imagine yourself working in a whole new scenario and consider whether you might find happiness in some other industry or way than you’d previously envisioned. Ask a bunch of questions…even just to humor yourself.

You might actually learn something you never expected or discover a connection to something that does actually fit you.

9. Stay Healthy…Or Make This Your Big Chance to GET Healthy.

 Whether you’ve been really diligent about taking care of yourself while employed or have totally forgotten what an athletic shoe feels like on your foot, make your health a major priority now.

Take the time to sleep, get some fresh air, walk, run, do some yoga — whatever makes you feel your best. The endorphins will help a lot in bringing a smile and positive outlook to your face. You’ll also project more confidence as you go out to pursue other opportunities. You never know who you’ll meet along that run either!

10. Use This As Preparation for the Next Big Shake-up in Your Life.

Right now this might seem like the end of the world, but the good news is that if you can weather this storm, you’ll only be better prepared for the next one. Though we’d like to say this will never happen again, the truth is that life is a cycle of ups and downs, and preparation is the key to surviving it all.

If you are ready to look at the big picture, call Dr. Matt at 586-8650 and let’s work together to help you create the life you’ve always dreamed about — no better time than the present!  Remember, you can use your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) benefit that provides free, confidential mentoring to help design and organize your career search. When you call your employer EAP toll free number, request the staff to authorize visits with Dr., Matt Kawiak to be your preferred provider for career issues. You never know where the next great idea or opportunity is waiting…

Each and every one of us needs help in dealing with the challenges and struggles of everyday life once in a while ~ sometimes more, sometimes less.  Perhaps it’s not clear if counseling would be helpful to you at this time? 

Remember that auto mechanics specialize in mechanical difficulties with your vehicle.  Computer technicians help with electronic hardware and software issues. And when you have a physical injury, you speak with your medical doctor.  Perhaps your doctor has suggested that you talk with someone to help you find ways to improve your emotional health. 

If you just want to talk, I’m here to listen. Over the last year, I have helped over individuals, couples and sometimes their families, too, and am taking new clients and referrals.  You don’t need to wait for a “crisis” ~ we can begin to work together on issues including relationships; bereavement, trauma, panic, phobia, depression, addictions, anxiety, workplace stress, and more.

To schedule an appointment, you may call me personally at 585.586.8650.

I am grateful for the privilege of serving you and your family members.  Remember:  feel free to call me with any questions or concerns you may have.

Take good care of yourself,

Dr. Matt.